Thursday, May 04, 2006

SOLDIER ADVANCEMENTS!!????

This is a response to a most grievous accusation that I simply cannot stand by and let… stand. Please, let me explain:

A while back I had a certain young lady and her…well, the family I should say, had a certain young lady and her brother over to the house for dinner. After dinner Tyler, my brother, made chocolate chip cookies with this certain young woman and then, before we baked them I performed a series of military maneuvers with the dough that she now calls, “Soldier Advancements!”

I hate to disagree but:

Those were strategic dough maneuvers preformed with the most advanced cunning and wit! I spent whole seconds planning, organizing, and executing those so called “soldier advancements” Bah!! Those dough boys don’t stand up on their own you know! I had to motivate them! To do that, I had to use one of my most brilliant motivational tactics too date…”Anyone that falls behind…is executed.” *cough* Thankfully, a good many of them fell behind cause I was really hungry…but that’s not the point! Those little guys did what they had to do in order to get the job done! For that, I am proud of them.

For those that had served faithfully and with honor, I let them retire to the oven. However, before they do I give them this little speech in my head. (Military grade dough, or Dough Boys as I call them, can communicate telepathically you know.) Anyway, this is what I think:

Dough Boys, you served with honor and had a great deal of faith in your commanding dictator. You have had friends and brothers fall behind, or I should say you had LET them fall behind. For that I am grateful. As you go forth into your solid state remember this! Cookies LEAD the way!

“Soldier Advancements!” HA! I immortalized them!

*Note* To all those who do not understand a thing I am saying...Sorry, it's the Fogarty Family! Where everyone else has secrets, we have inside jokes.

Cheers!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Mountain Biking: Divine Review

Have you ever made fun of someone because they were too yella or chicken to do something you thought they should? You know were that attitude comes from? Yeah, that’s right, your prideful nature! And do you know what God does to your prideful nature? He doesn’t just dislike it, and He doesn’t just make war on it. No, instead…He beats it out of you, throws it to the ground, and smashes it into the mud! At least that was what He did to mine.

I was Mountain Biking at the time…

It was sunny and bright and the clouds were puffy! It was one of those rare perfect days when the old mercury read just about 21°C. It had rained the day before but not so much as to prohibit riding.

There is a park just a mile from my apartment in Arbutus, so I ride my bike there and back. They say it is some of the best Mountain Biking in the region! I was in heaven, just enjoying my ride. Mike, my landlord, was riding with me. We hit some of the small easy hills and then, after we had warmed up a bit, we did some of the tougher hills with logs, rocks, and other obstacles.

Mike, being in his forties, did not want to do anything too exciting. I tried to goad him into some of the jumps and stuff but he would have none of it! After about an hour of this, we came to a long down hill part of one of the trails with some really awesome jumps!

*I need to clear something up here. When I say jumps, I mean ramps. They are made out of small logs and dirt. The ramps go up and then back down the other side with a big log to round out the top. Very much like this: /O\ *

To continue:

I was like, “Come on Mike! You at least can do one!”

He was like, “Do I look stupid?”

Now, you do realize what he is implying, right? It dawned on me…later.

So there I was just having a grand old time jumping all the little jumps and going over the bigger stuff. I was laughing jokingly at Mike the whole time.

Right about then God intervened. My chain slipped after one jump and I had to stop and fix it. Meanwhile, we are near the bottom of the hill and Mike goes ahead of me and around the last ramp before the trail starts to clime again. This one was about 10 feet wide, 5 feet high, and had a huge log laying across the top! He then rides up the trail a little ways and stops to look back at me bent over my bike.

“You OK?” He calls.

“Just the chain. Got it!” I yell back after I had gotten it back on.

I then look up and see that he is just smiling at me.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“Oh, nothing…you going to be able to get over that?” He gestures at the jump while grinning like a clown.

“Watch me!” I yell and push off toward the jump.

I knew I could do it because I had done one like farther uphill so I did not think anything of it.

I got up a good amount of speed and hit the ramp going about 15 mph, which is pretty fast on a trail like this. I went up and was just breezing over the top of the huge log when I realized four things at the same time:

  1. The down slope side was lower, thus the drop farther then the 5 feet I had thought.
  2. This jump did not have a ramp leading down the other side.
  3. Instead of a ramp, there was just a very large pool of wetness (mud) 6 or 7 feet below me.
  4. Mike knew all this long before I did.

/O~~~~~~~ That’s what it looked like with the mud puddle…or should I say, lake.

God taught me a very important lesson that day: When you biking buddy is smiling for no apparent reason…be very careful. That and, He can’t abide pride.

O, and Mike was absolutely no help. He was on the ground crying…and it wasn’t with concern for me! O, he asked if I was OK and all…through his tears. He tried to help me out of the mud but for some reason his muscles were seriously lacking coordination at that moment. Couldn’t he tell I was in need of some serious EGO repair! I’m telling you, that man has issues!

Well, that was how God dealt with my pride that day. I will never forget it…as long as Mike is still alive to remind me!

Cheers!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Pilgrimage

Through the woods, atop a lonesome windswept hill, accessible only to those rugged types with all terrain vehicles and the cash to fix leaky oil pans…is my house.

It is from this humble, stalwart, and beautiful abode that every Sunday I, a servant of God, Man, and Gold (in that order), a traveler of travels, and a seeker of knowledge must make the quarter-monthly pitiless journey down our driveway. The destination: My apartment in Arbutus…and that place in the city where they learn you stuff.

On a side note:

Behold and Rejoice! That decrepit piece of doggy doo-doo that was my old car (see earlier post) is gone! However, I am compelled to give glory to God for the Grace that enabled me to have that car! It was that or walk and I do not like to walk when I can ride. God was good to me and I will never be ungrateful for what he flat out gave me in that car…but Rejoice! I now own a vehicle that I pray will last me some years with a modicum of reliability! A 98 Subaru Legacy SW!

End of side note.

Just hours before I am scheduled to leave on my momentous quarter-monthly trip I must prepare! Well, Momsy helps…a lot.

I go: ”Momsy!”

She goes: “Yes, Sweety.”

I go: “I must leave”

She goes: “I’m so sad! Let me pack you something to eat!”

I go: “Aww! Thanks! But, I will be back in four days, like always, so I don’t need a lot.”

She goes: “OK.”

Something tells me she does not quite hear what I said…

One day, when I was listening to the wind during the silence of my prayers, I heard a bird say, “The way to a Man’s heart is through his stomach, yerp yerp.” It must be true! For my heart is filled to bursting every time I leave with all the food that my Mommy thinks I can eat in only four days time!

This leads my highly trained mind to come up with a translation of what I Mother must hear when I say:

“Aww! Thanks! But, I will be back in four days, like always, so I don’t need a lot.”

She must hear:

“Aww! Thanks! Remember I will be back in four weeks, not always, so I do indeed need a lot.”

The range of variety is wide and the paper bag…s are deep.

I get:

Pizza

Corn chips

Bacon

Pot not Pies (I refuse to call savory pies, pies! I mean come on! When you ask someone over for a piece of pie on Thanksgiving, they are thinking Pumpkin not Turkey.)

Eggs

Rice

Bread

Butter

Milk

Cheese

Yogurt (to Pookies and Amy… Yes, I can and do eat the smooth kind.)

Protein Drink

Grape Juice (100%)

Tea (peach and raspberry)

Honey

Peanut Butter

Crackers

Bagels (Plain, Everything, and Sesame Seed)

Oatmeal Bars

A box of Taylee’s special gummy snacks! Shhhh

Etcetera...

As the good son that I am, I try to tuck all that scoff as best I can. O, the times will be hard indeed when I can roll out of bed in the morning and keep going all the way to the fridge with no extra effort! I can’t tell you how deliciously exiting it is to open my paper bags full of wonderful stuff that you can eat, so beautifully and lovingly place just so.

*sigh*

Where was I…O, yes, I was leaving the abode with all my food. Well, clothes too I guess, and school books and pencils and things. If I remember that is. I do tend to forget extra things like these. Well, clothes I suppose I can see the argument.

Before heading out the door I pray with Mom and Dad and then I am off! I make my way to my apartment and for the next four days I learn stuff. Then I go home for the weekend!! This journey repeats every Sunday evening.

There are only two things out of this that I wish would last forever:

The Food.

&

The...uuhh...hmmm I can't think of anything else...O, I know! My Parent's Love!

Cheers!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Making the Grade…in the Chem. Lab

Have you ever wondered what highly concentrated Nitric Acid feels like on your face?? Yeah! Me too! Hehe

Ok, so I was in the lab the other day…

My Teacher: “Class, we will be working with highly concentrated Nitric and Sulfuric acid.”

Narrator: In case there are some who don’t know what acids are, they are corrosive substances that can rapidly corrode most metallic and some biological matter. I knew this at the time.

Me: “Wow! Concentrated Nitric Acid! Better wear gloves!”

My inner me: “Wonder what this stuff will do to this paper towel??”

Me: “Whoa! It ate right through the paper towel!”

My Teacher: “Avoid getting it on stuff you don’t want to loose. Like your books…”

My inner me: “Yeah, yeah and Body parts….hhmmm…Body parts…..NO! Gavin! Get a grip!...Concentrate on the experiment! Ok, so I need 4mL of Nitric acid…and 4mL of Sulfuric acid…mix them together. Ok, now I put them in an ice bath and let them sit…”

Narrator: I start whistling like a mad scientist in his home laboratory

AHhh…AHCHO!!! *sniff*

My inner me: “Wow, that was a big one!”

Narrator: Being a good lab tech, I had sneezed into my clean sleeve, however, I wiped my nose on the back of my gloved hand…It only took 30 seconds before my nose felt like it was being torn off my face by an army of fire ants in Bermuda Shorts!! I guess you could say it felt sort of like a tropical searing sensation. Odd that.

Anyway, you must realize that I am surrounded by other students working at their experiments, and doing a good job too. These were smart people. They knew what they were doing. I simply could NOT even hint at what was happening to me! It was out of the question. Therefore, I grabbed a flask I had just cleaned and calmly…as if I had not a care in the world…made a dash to the sink.

As I was passing my lab buddy he quipped: “Hey man! I thought you just washed that thing! *Chuckle* Clean Freak! HA HA!”

I just nodded and whipped about a dozen paper towels off the spinner, cranked the tap for the water to FULL, and proceed to vigorously “Clean” my flask…right next to my nose! To better see the dirty spots of course.

I faked blowing my nose with the soaking paper towels…like fifteen times. After the tenth time the pain started to go away. I was fine after the fifteenth. I finally looked up and saw that my buddy was just starting at me. “You OK man?” he asked. I spluttered a vague acknowledgement and walked calmly back to my lab bench a MUCH wiser man.

Cheers!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Going...Going...hhmmm, Still there thank the Lord!

Ok, so I am looking for a car now and...well, I have not found one that I can afford yet. I currently own an atuomatic 97 Ford Escort! It's a fun car to drive! No, really! It's like a new ride every time I get in it! It has several interesting perks!

For instance:

-It will refuse to go above 30 MPH for the first 15 minutes you drive it...no matter how long to let it warm up.
-Every bump I gently ascend and descend is an adventure! I hardly know what to expect! I find myself constantly saying "Whoa! That was a new sound!"
-One of the tires spontaneously deflated on a major highway and I found that the Car Jack, that for the longest time I had thought was in the trunk, was not in the trunk. Nor anywhere else for that matter.
-Interior lights are an afterthought and work GREAT! When they work.
-If you even think about passing someone going 20 under the speed limit (farm tractors make great examples) my car hyperventilates and switches into that mysterious gear I have since labeled, Neutrith gear. It’s a mix between Neutral and Fifth.

Anyway, it's quite a ride!


Yes, it might seem that I am really calm about the hole thing but to be honest...How can I put this...I am a praying man. I pray often. Basically every time I get into my car I say a prayer of thankfulness and praise that my current car starts when I want it to...and even moves! I remind myself that this is the car that God has given me, and I tell Him how truly grateful I am to have the privilege to own my own car. I pray for safety for my travels. Also, I am constantly confessing my many sins and asking for forgiveness. The reason for this is that even though I may not know when God will call me home… I do know which flaming chariot He’s gonna use!

Well, I think that is about it for now. I would greatly appreciate all your prayers for my continued humility and patience through this time.

Cheers!

Saturday, March 25, 2006

We got a LINE!!!

You get a pole. we all go down to the crawdad hole!